Peter, Paul and Heather????

Well last night did not involve dinner with Alex and Karen sadly enough. I had to announce at the Music Awards and Paul called me so I needed to meet with him to get my feelings off of my chest. I am so glad that I did too. Let me tell you it wasnt easy it was a grulling 3 hour conversation that kept going back and forth. I told him everything. That I needed time to myself and that I couldnt be in a relationship with him at this point (trust me I do want to) I just need the time to transition. I went straight from a divorce (actually it wasnt even final yet) into a realationship with Pete. I really havent even been able to cope with that. That I need some much needed me time and I cant get involved in something serious right now because that would be taking the focus off of me. I am so tired inside and out and I need a rest. I have been going 100 miles a minute now for 2 years. I decided no more music for a month no talking to Pete or Paul unless I run into them and just hang out at myself and close friends at thier houses or mine. I am not going down town unless there is something special going on or I really feel like I can be social. I am going to take very good care of myself. Keep on exercising and eating very healthy. I feel the best I ever have now. I am going to come off of this medicine and I am going to just have to figure out how to be well, me. I can do it with out the help of drugs. I am thinking that 2 months of completely being with myself will do a world of difference and then I can incorporate everything else in my life but in MODERATION!!!! I finally got this through to Paul. He was talking about marrage (after only seeing eachother for under a month!!!!) and I had to keep reminding him of this. He told me that he was in love with me. I told him that he needs to date other people and not wait for me, that I dont have a time line on when I will feel like hanging out again. It could be a month or three or a year. I dont know. I do know that it is all working out right now for me. I will talk to Pete probably on Sunday and get it all out with him. That will be easy because he knows what I want and he is a very understanding person. Then it is off on vacation and get my mind back!!!! I am thankful for everybody who has been there for me through all of this. When I left his house last night I felt so bad but I did tell him that sometimes doing what is right is what causes the most pain. I do think that is true. It was very hard for me to do it to him because I do think that we could have a bright future and do adore him but if it is that special it wont change no matter how much time I have to myself. I have all the time in the world and in the grand screen of things it really isnt too much to as. So it looks like I just have to take one day at a time.