My life sucks at this very moment. Look at the time right now while you are reading this. I am thinking about how my life sucks right now. I am so unhappy right now, with so many things that are going on right now. I am at 117.8 (really who gives a fuck). The ring that I had recently made especially for me cracked and there is a big hole in it. Ok listen to this story (I swear my life moves so fast and I cant seem to stop it!!!!). It's always been that way. I called Beth, the girl that made the ring and she said that she would fix it for me. I am happy about that but listen to this shit. Yesterday I went to Pete's in hopes of talking, that's what he said that he wanted to do (I was going to stick to my plan of just telling him that I cant be in a realationship with him.) I mean dont get me wrong, I love Pete but I cant be with him unless he basically becomes a different person. (Sigh) I was over there and we were just talking about what went on during our day, I was SO freaking tired from my areobics class and I could barely think. I asked him if he wanted to talk and he said "Not right now." I was glad because I really didnt have the energy. I want to be able to talk to him when I have enough energy to tell him everything. GOD HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL THESE BOYS THE SAME THING??? I was sitting there and he said "oh, I met Leon today." It's this guy that owns the bike shop (right next door to the place that I got my ring made.) He was telling me that he thought he was nice. I was like "Why were you over there?" He said that he saw some wood that he wanted to use for some art and so he went over there to go and get it. This is when he says "And...I met Beth too." (the lady that made the ring). I was surprised and asked why he was there. He said that he just wanted to look at the shop. I was like "Yeah, right." He then told me that he was really there because he wanted to buy me something special. I was totally surprised and then relized that he was talking to her to get me a ring made. He was kinda crying and said now is not the right time to talk about this but soon. I really think that he is having a ring made for me to ask me to marry him...Seriously what the fuck? I am so upset right now. I cant believe that I am going to have to go through this. Paul in the mean time is calling me and I just cant handle this anymore. When Paul gets back I am going to have to tell him that I cant hang out with him anymore. Should I tell him that I think that Pete is going to ask for my hand and I just cant take the stress of all this??? Please e-mail me your thoughts if you can. heatherheyn@athensfirstbank.com or you can TDP me. If you do that. I am also going to have to tell Pete that I need my time from him as well. Maybe he will decide against it. I dont know. I have such mixed emotions about the whole thing. I dont want to settle. By the way, remember how I went to that physic and she told me that I was going to get engaged? Anyway, this is something that I have to do even though I dont want to. I love Paul todeath but cant do this to myself or him. I have to distant myself from both of them and be alone. I have go to clear my head and just have my own time. I hope that they both understand this. Paul I know will be upset and probably go out with someone else. Pete will probably go out and try and do the same. Maybe I should go and see the physic again? hmmmm. So there you have it. My life that is literally falling apart and causing me great pain. I have got to get it together. I have got to make a decision and stick with it. I thought that I could do this (the casual dating thing and just date sereval people to see what I like.) I cant do it though. HELP!
10:25-Ok I had to do something so I just called Pete, I told him all about Paul and how he wants me to be his girlfriend and how that I do like him a bunch but with both of them pressuring me to make a decision I cant take it. I could'nt really go into it on the phone but he was very understanding. I did tell him that I was going to talk to Paul tomorrow (I have been very honest with both guys about my feelings and about each other. That is the one thing that I have done right.) I am just going to have to find the right words to do it. I will not do it over the phone that is for sure. I just wanted to give you a update. I will be writing on Thurseday to say that I did it and feel good about it. It is harder for me to tell Paul than it is to tell Pete. I like Paul better and he has been so sweet to me.
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