So we all know that periods suck but the worst thing is when you gain a whole bunch or weight during it. 3-5 pounds is about what a normal, regular person gains during the damn thing. I am praying that I have gain 5 because that would bring back to my current goal of 115 pounds. I would love to be at 110 with a BMI of 19.5. I am so freaking strict with my diet I rarely ever go over my calories and infact try to burn half of them off giving me about 500-700 calories net. I eat around 1200 calories (normal guys) and I still have issues with getting the weight off. I also work out twice a day and lift a ton of weights (muscle burns fat faster). I am a vegitarian (with the exception of a can of tuna) and I dont eat dairy unless it is a VERY special occassion. I dont know what I am doing wrong but I think that maybe I am holding on to water and will cut the salt out to see if that helps. For those of you that are reading this and may be on your period, dont stress you did not gain 5 pounds in 3 days and it will come off. I am telling myself this too.
Now back to me!!! My life and what the hell is going on. I am mainly writing this because I would like to see what is going on with me later and compare it to what is going on now. I really want to progress with things and I find it interesting to look through my diary and read previous postings. Since this is my first blog let me tell you about my self.
Heather:
I am 26 years old and pretty crazy. I do things to the extreme when I do them and am quite the perfectionist which I am currently working on. I live by myself in Athens, GA. I moved there to persue music. I play music with an array of people and am in two different bands. I play guitar, violin,bass, keyboards and sing. I love this because this is my outlet, however it keeps me VERY busy and really between my job, working out and music I have no time. I am very social and am always hanging out in social situations and always on the go. This brings me to my current man situation...Peter my ex now boyfriend (41) is a total drunk. He is in a few awesome bands that you probably know but shoudnt mention because of privacy reasons for him. That is orginally what attracted me to him. I love the music that he plays. He is pretty cute too. After a year and a half I have broken up with him. He lives off the music he made in the 90's and when I have to wake up and go to my corporate job and he gets to drink and write music (on an album he has been working on for 7 years!!!) it kinda got to me. He also never really did anything nice for me either. Well that has all changed. Now he wants me back and is fighting really hard. I am not going back. Partly because I have met somebody that has been wonderful. BUT there are faults....His name is Paul and he is just the biggest sweetheart and super nice to me however, he is messy and smokes and is old (he actually wont tell me how old he is) and I am not that attracted to him physically. That may sound like a lot of bad things but when you hang out with someone that is so nice and has the connection that we do it is hard to say no to the thought of a relationship. I have been very honest with him and told him that I am not ready for a serious relationship. I am not. I was married went directly into a relationship with Pete and I am not going to jump in head first with Paul. My emotions, body and brain says no. There is no possible way that I can do it now. Last night he got pretty upset and said that he wanted to know how long it would be before we could start a serious relationship. I dont have that answer and to be honest I am not even sure that it will happen. I am not sure that he is the one that I want to get involved with AND I am not about to make a decision when I am on my period. I need to talk to my therapist bad and wont get to see her until the 26th of June. That's just a few weeks. I would get involved with him but when I have a boyfriend I usually get involved for years and I am not ready to invest that much time even if you are the most special person in the world. I feel like if it is meant to be that it will happen when I am ready, if not so be it. I am feeling pressure from him and I dont like it. It makes me not want to hang out with him at all and run. I need this time to myself and relax without anyone. If he cant understand that then I shouldnt be hanging out with him I guess. Maybe I should just tell him that maybe we should just see where I am at in a few months and then start from scratch. If he gets involved with someone else than so be it. It wasnt meant to be. It would almost be impossible for me to do that though because the last thing that I want to do is hurt him. HELP!!!! The other thing is that he doesnt like how busy I am. I can inly hang out with him two days a week and he wants more I guess, I am spread too thin. I need to be able to do my music and need someone who likes space and will allow me to do the things I love. I am just so confused. I dont want to be alone. I love affection and really love to be with someone but when everything inside says no I have got to go with that. I have to listen to my heart. I will just have to talk with him about it on Friday when we are hanging out. I wasnt that affectionate and he kinda got upset about that. Usually I am the one that wants more affection not the guy??? hmmmm. what's wrong with me? I am going to blame it on the one thing that kinda makes since....My period.
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