Having the Mondays are we?

I am hungover and feeling really weird. I went and had some damn margarita's last night with a girl that I dont know that well but use to go to the same areobics class with. We talked all night (spent 3 hours drinking there) about relationships (she is going through a divorce.) When we were leaving I gave her a big hug and then kissed her on the cheek (I kiss all my friends on the cheek, no big deal right?) Well then she just lays on on me....Right there in the parking lot!!! I couldnt believe it but it happened and there was really nothing that I could do about it. Anyway, that was a wierd ending to a good night. I kinda felt awkward as she was leaving but I really was trying not to show it. It's no big deal, we both were drunk and if I see her again I will just act as though nothing ever happend. I am sure that she is embarrassed this morning. Weird Weird Weird. No, I am not gay by the way, I love boys and no I dont usually kiss girls. Ok, so I am back to where I started, in more ways than one. I am kinda freaking out right now. I saw Pete and we hooked up.....I know that is SO FUCKING STUPID OF ME...Especially, because I am seeing Paul too. I have got to talk to him soon. I did tell Pete though that it didnt mean that we were getting back together that he was not going to be my boyfriend and I feel better now that we are not together. I just wanted to do it to get it out of my system and that way I wouldnt get drunk and go down town feeling like I might go home with someone. By the way guys, I can count on one hand how many people I have been sexually active with, so no I am not a slut!!! I am just human and going through a lot right now and I am enjoying not having a boyfriend, I mean I am really not doing anything wrong. I can do whatever I want! I shouldnt however get with Pete though because I need to really get out of that sistuation all together. It is hard though when you love someone but know that it isnt good for you. I am going to do better starting today and will talk to him tonight to just make sure that he understands where I am coming from and understands that I know this sounds bad but that it really didnt mean anything to me. Really, it was just sex in my book. I also need to distant myself from Paul (I am). I am proud of myself for that too. I need to just go out and hang out with people and show them and myself that I can be alone. Ok enough of that. I am going on vaction starting on June 28-July 6th! I am going to go to the beach alone unless some awesome person wants to go...Its totally my fault. I waited to the last minute to tell anyone. A vacation might be nice to take alone. Who knows, I may decide to save the money and just not go. I know though that I will be loosing some weight though. I always eat better and less when I am not sitting at work. I am also going to do that cleanse again and I am thinking that I will do it Wednesday, Thursday and Friday if possible. Then I can ease back into eating on Saturday and Sunday. I bet 110 will look good on me! My goal is to not eat over 500 calories (net) a day. I was eating 700 but I think just until I get to 110 I have got to restrict. The weather is beautiful here and I am feeling like being more active (if that is possible) then ever before. I think that right now I am the healthiest that I have ever been and feel wonderful! I am overall doing great. I just have got to calm myself down in the relationship area. Telling Pete tonight will be easy because I have already told him all this. Paul will be a little more difficult because I do really like him and want to get involved with him but really need to have this time to myself. I will still hang out with him but just not as much. I hate Mondays. I figured that I would just complain a bit to get it out of my system. I have the day planned out as far as food goes so no axiety there and not much to do at work so that is good too. Have a great week and I will be reporting about my crazy life tomorrow. Stay tuned....